You are currently browsing the category archive for the ‘Forgive’ category.

6S1D8056-L

I received an unexpected phone call 2PM in the afternoon and I answered “Hi, this is Allan. How many I help you?”

A harsh voice on the other end started screaming at me.

“The quote is due in two hours. Why haven’t you email the quote out yet?”

“You know what, no excuses. I don’t want to hear any excuses from you. “

“There should be absolutely no reason why you can’t respond quicker.”

“This is the year-end buying cycle. You should be working 24 x 7 like the rest of us.”

“You need to respond sooner and faster.“

“No excuses. I will not have you give any. You need to do your job or I’ll recommend to your boss to fire you.”

“This is not acceptable. You got promoted and you need to do more work.“

“Get it done!” as one of the Sales Directors I support scolded at me.

I took a deep breath and wondered what just happened and why am I getting yelled at.

I have been working since 6:30 AM this morning on trying to get the quote go through the proper channel for the discount approval.

I know there is a deadline with the quote. I am actively working on it.

I am waiting for another Manager’s approval on discount before I can email this quote out. I have emailed and called that Manager several times. He promised to give me the approval within an hour.

I understand the urgency of this. I am on top of it. I don’t understand why he is berating me when things are moving forward. I don’t get it.

I said, “Can I pause you for a second here? I am not giving you any excuses. I just want to update you the situation. Is that ok?”

 The Director was still fuming and reluctantly said, “Yes.”

“I saw an email come in at 8:12PM last night from one of the Sales Reps and I responded at 10:16PM to let her know that I will take care of it first thing in the morning.”

“I woke up at 6:30, finished up the quote and sent it at 7:00 to another Manager for approval. I have been catching up with my workload with them and email until 1 AM this morning.”

“I don’t understand why I’m getting yelled at for responding quickly? I really don’t get it.”

The Director says, ”Email me with what you just said” and click, he hung up the phone.

I spent the next two hours putting together all of my evidence emails so that I can draft another email showing the reason why I had indeed responded in the appropriate amount of time. I shot the email off to that Director.

At the same time, I wondered, “If today is my last day on earth, is the job that I am doing worth me stressing over, losing sleep and feeling burnt out?”

“Is working 80+ hours a week, sacrifice my weekends, be on road living from hotel to hotel and flying all across the country worth it?”

 “Is there a higher purpose than just hitting my uber high sales unattainable sales quota and helping my Sales Reps and their Sales Director hitting their quota?

 The answers were all “No.”

“Then I am doing this just for what?”

“Is it for the money in exchange of my relationship with my family, my health and my happiness?”

“At the end, is it all worth it?”

 The answer was still “No.”

Go out and live your life today.

If you don’t like something, change it. If you don’t like your job quit. 

This is your life. Do what you LOVE and do it OFTEN! 

***PS. For more blogs, updates and free videos on stress management, please “Like” on my Facebook page:

https://www.facebook.com/pages/MyYogaStreamcom/315735605130069

Live.Love.Journey!

Advertisements

I sat at MEPS (Military Entrance Process Exam) feeling nervous, anxious and sick to my stomach because I was about to leave home for Basic Training in Fort Sill Oklahoma. 

It was two weeks after my High School graduation where I packed a small bag of my clothes, a journal, a Walkman and left home. I was eighteen then.

It was two and a half years before where my dad had lost our house due to foreclosure and all of our family life savings went with it. We were forced to move into a garage turned into living quarters or also known as In-law unit in San Francisco.

My room had a big heating pipe hung over the entrance where I had to duck in and out of my room without hitting my forehead against it.

Life was miserable but we were happy that we had a roof over our heads and food on the table. At least we were not on the streets homeless. My dad’s salary was enough to cover rent and food but nothing more.

Discussion about paying for college came up and since we didn’t have money, I volunteered to join the Army and off I went to Oklahoma in July.

For the first few weeks of Basic Training, I felt just like home. Literally. I called my mom up one Sunday morning and she asked me what I thought about the Army life.

I said, “Mom, the Army life is just like home. My Drill Sergeants yell at me like how you yell at me back home. Only difference is I’m getting paid to be yelled at!”

She chuckled and knew that I was doing ok.

Then one day Basic Training changed my mind.

Imagine for a moment that you are walking a 20 kilometers tactical road march (about 12.4 miles) in the 120 degrees, 200% humidity during the summer in Oklahoma wearing full combat gear.

The full combat gear consists of 5 pounds Kevlar helmet, Load Bearing Equipment (Suspenders, canteen, ammo pouch), M16 Rifle and a 60 pounds rucksack on your back.

I could feel the burning heat transfer from the asphalt into my combat boots. It was that hot.

There were roughly about 240 of us in our company and during tactical road marches, we had to be split into 120 soldiers on the right side and another 120 soldiers on the left side.

We also had to maintain a 50-meter radius from the soldier in front us so that if an enemy were to throw a grenade, not a bunch of people will die or get injured.

Because I was in 4th platoon, “Stealth Fighters” our platoon was always stuck behind 1st, 2nd, and 3rd platoon in the back of the tactical road march.

This was a huge problem for us. When the other platoons in front of us slowed down during the march, they had to run and catch up with the leading platoon.

The slowing down and speeding up process created a rubber band effect where we would walk for four minutes and run for one minute just to fill up the gap in between us.

I would get really bad blisters from the rubber band effect where it feels like pins and needles poking my toes every time I took a step. And bad news was that we were only half way done with the march and our Drill Sergeants would say, “Just suck it up and march on!”

After a while, I would get new blisters underneath the old blister and some times even blood blisters. It was really that bad.

I hated those road marches so much I swore if I ever make it back to college, I would study the heck out of college and find a desk job with air conditioning. I never want to do this ever again.

When I did eventually come back to college, I studied night and day. I had almost straight As in my upper division business classes.

I thank my Drill Sergeant Miller and Drill Sergeant Parker for teaching me hard work and discipline.

After Basic Training, I would complain how hard life is sometimes. I would stop myself and reflect back to the hot blistering summer days of Fort Sill Oklahoma. I stop complaining and I smile at what ever problems I have in that moment.

One of the hardest times of my life was also the best times of my life.

***PS. For more blogs, updates and free videos on stress management, please “Like” on my Facebook page:

https://www.facebook.com/pages/MyYogaStreamcom/315735605130069

Live.Love.Journey!

Almost exactly a year ago, I was crying my eyes out while my ex-girlfriend drove me to Los Angeles International Airport. 

As a man, I can count the number of times when I broke down and cry uncontrollably with only five fingers.

I said to myself, “Be strong Allan. Things will get better. Just get through today and tomorrow is another day.” I repeated that mantra over and over to help me get through that day.

“Where did our relationship go wrong? Have I done my best and gave her everything,” I asked myself.

My inner voice said, “You have given your all and you have done your best. You gave her everything and done you could have. That is something you should be proud of.”

I was really torn. I was really broken.

My heart was in pieces as I left LAX wearing a pair sunglass at night for the first time. I didn’t want the world to see me like this, weak and fragile.

I was free falling towards depression and I knew I needed to somehow pick myself up fast because I support my mom and dad and I still have a hectic corporate job to do.

I needed to stop the bleeding so the very next day, I went to a power yoga session. I felt physically better after class, but I know my heart was still mangled.

Many times throughout the day, I would feel all sorts of heavy emotions from getting very angry, to missing her, to wondering what went wrong. This perpetual figure eight loop keeps circling over and over in my head.

The worst part was that I still have to work 14 hour days and on weekends to catch up. Heck, I even had to work during Thanksgiving and the day before Christmas writing statement of work.

By January of this year, I was burnt out with my super stressful job. Last year, I had logged in over 75 hotel nights and over 80,000 airline miles for work. Everything about me fell apart.

I asked my Manager to take time off from work. He gracefully supported my decision.

I felt like I had to get away from everything so that I have a better perspective. I took that opportunity and traveled so that I could pick up the pieces of my heart and to get away from ever piling emails.

I booked a one-way ticket from San Francisco to Savusavu Fiji, Sydney Australia, Ubud Bali, and Heifei China. It was a one and half-month trip and I’m not sure where I wanted to go after China.

Even thought I was suffering in deep depression and burn out, I committed myself to help people that came across my path.

I met many amazing people that simply needed someone to listen to and I was there to help support them if they wished. I asked for nothing in return.

I met a dog trainer who lost her dog, her best friend.

I met a man who’s parents looked down on what he loves to do in life.

I met a mother that was extremely depressed.

I met a dad that was overwhelmed with his job and didn’t know what to do.

I met a father who beats his wife because he felt trapped and angry.

I met a yoga teacher that could use a little confidence.

I met a woman that is working on her depression after a divorce.

I met a woman that finally forgive her brother after 20+ years

And I have met many others.

The profound thing was that I saw bits and pieces of myself in everyone that I had helped out.

The best part was that I met a young man who’s passion is to spread love and joy.

I learned that his mission in life is to inspire others to spread love and joy to their family, love ones, friends and even random strangers. Together everyone can make a difference in the world, one person at a time.

I found that young man in my heart. By serving the amazing people that I have met and by giving them my unconditional love, I was able to help heal my heart in return.

This year, I found what I was made of.

***PS. For more blogs, updates and free videos on stress management, please “Like” on my Facebook page:

https://www.facebook.com/pages/MyYogaStreamcom/315735605130069

Live.Love.Journey!

 

The good thing about having an older brother who is much older than I am is that he has more life experiences than I do. The bad part is that I feel like I have another person parenting me…

Like most teenagers, I was pretty rebellious when my brother was trying to tell me what to do.

“You must learn to be more considerate with everyone’s needs. You can’t just crank up the TV while I’m sleeping. You need to pay more attention!” as my brother scolded at me.

I did not appreciate his tone of voice and I automatically went into a defending mode.

I would say, “You have your own issues too! Fix your own damn issues first before trying to fix mine.”

It was this constant back and forth bickering about really small things that turned into big problems with shouting matches – he who yelled the loudest wins.

Reflecting back, I realized that I was insecure. I would have taken his feedback as a complement if I was self loving. Yes, he yelled at me. His tone of voice could have been better. However if he didn’t care about me as a brother, he wouldn’t have said anything at all. He could have careless and told me to go take a hike.

He cared so much about me that he is trying to teach me about respecting others. More important, it was about respecting myself.

Instead, I just pointed fingers right back at him trying to point out his faults.

If I respected myself, I would have said to him, ”Thank you for your feedback. I really appreciate it. I don’t’ like your tone, but I know you care about me and that is why you said those things. You wanted me to be a better person.”

The truth is that we all have faults. That makes us human.

I have learned that it is the imperfection that makes us perfect.

It is accepting whom we are, truly accepting ourselves that make us complete.

It is what we perceive as “Self Worth.”

When we are complete, we no longer need to defend ourselves like a porcupine under attack, sting the people who love us.

When we are complete, we can offer our love and joy to others instead of hate and anger.

I want to take a moment to send gratitude and appreciation to my brother for caring about me and teaching me all these years.

***PS. For more blogs, updates and free videos on stress management, please hit like on my Facebook page:

https://www.facebook.com/pages/MyYogaStreamcom/315735605130069

Live.Love.Journey!

I had attended one of Jennifer Prugh’s Foundation of Flow/Meditation class recently and the theme to her class was to dedicate the practice to someone we know who is suffering and to wish them well.

I had asked my heart to whom I should dedicate this session to and he reminded me of a recent road rage incident. Gordo, a nickname whom I have given to the middle age Mexican man, taught me a life lesson about compassion and forgiveness.

A few weeks ago, I was driving my Nissan, “The Un-Prius,” as I called my 15 miles per gallon V8 truck, on the freeway heading going home. I usually have the music blasting to the tunes of my favorite Black Eye Peas songs while driving. However, I wanted some peace and quiet that day because I was really angry. I wanted to calm my mind through silence and breathing and that was when my rage boomerang back at me.

As I exited off the freeway, I looked up my rear view mirror and noticed a dinged up 1975 silver Toyota Celica fast approaching me. When he came close enough for me to see his face, I saw a Hispanic man in his early 40s screaming and waving his arms ecstatically and yelling at me.

My first thought was, “Is he trying to warn me that there is something wrong with my vehicle because I have a flat tire?”

I had ignored him and continue to drive after the light turned green. At the second stop light, I saw the mid age man screaming at me again and now I know for sure he was upset at me.

I thought to myself, “What the heck did I do to you? I was minding my own business. Truly you got the wrong person. So what gives?”

When we both came to a full stop at the red light, Gordo got out of his car, started to run towards me with his large belly giggling up and down. He got right next to my car door and started screaming something in Spanish as he stood in the middle of the street. I told him, “I do not understand what you are saying and if I cut you off, I’m really sorry.”

Gordo did not care what I had to say even if he could understand me. Just then he wound up his left arm getting ready to punch me through the driver window. During that split second, I wanted to punch him first to protect myself. However, for some reason, my heart told me not to extend my arm because he wasn’t angry. He was just really hurt inside.

Something strange happened. He unwound his fist, withdrew his anger, and walked back to his car. When the light turned green, I drove off and continued to send thoughts of compassion and forgiveness to him.

Before Jennifer’s class, I didn’t understand why Gordo was so upset at me other than I might have cut him off on the freeway. After the meditation session, I had another prospective where that Toyota might have been Gordo’s only transportation, and he might not have auto insurance let alone medical insurance. If one does not have auto insurance in California, the driver is at fault and will also lose his driver’s license.

If Gordo had gotten into a car accident, he would have lost his driving privilege by three years, and not have the money to repair his car. If he was hurt from the accident, he won’t be able to cover his medical expenses. More importantly, he may be the only breadwinner in his family supporting his wife and three kids. If he is injured, who will be supporting his family?

I realized that underneath the anger, he was really afraid and hurt. Everyone has his or her own suffering underneath it all. Often times we use anger as a façade to protect ourselves as a form of self-defense mechanism.

When we are in an angry state, we are walking through life as if we have blinds covering the side of our eyes like the horses pulling the carriage in New York’s Central Park. We only see what is wrong with our lives and what is wrong with others and nothing else.

When we’re in that un-resourceful state, we blind ourselves from gratitude, compassion and forgiveness that empower us. The feeling of hate just makes us bitter in life, a life that hurts everyone around us, and even random strangers.

“Choose gratitude, compassion and forgiveness,” my heart says.

Spread Love, Joy, and…Peace.

*If you like this blog, please help support me by forward this to your friends. Feel free also to leave feedback and/or questions I’ll do my best to respond.

Live.Love.Journey!